Chapter 1: Everyone has an opinion

Hi there homeschooling parents! As promised here is Chapter 1 of 

I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT!

How to homeschool your young children without losing your mind

(And if you enjoy my writing, how about popping over to the "Books" page above? You might be interested in reading one of my novels for free! I'll be sharing the first few chapters of this book over the next while but the whole (short) book will be available on Amazon in September)

Chapter 1: Everyone has an opinion

 Your first challenge might begin before you even start googling your first curriculum. If you have even breathed a word about the possibility of homeschooling to anyone then you know this is true: everyone has an opinion on this. I could say to you that the only opinion that matters is yours, but we all know that’s not strictly true. Opinions can be valuable, especially when they come from people you respect, or people who know you and care about you. But at the end of the day you get to decide whether your baby sleeps in your bed or a crib, if you start solids at four months or nine, or if you let your toddlers play on iPads or stick to wooden toys carved by hand out of trees from sustainable forests. In the same way, you decide how your children will be educated.

(Some governments, in the name of protecting children, may disagree. This is an issue I won’t get into in this little book. Fortunately in South Africa our right to choose our children’s education is in our constitution, and although that right is in peril at the moment because of a new Bill, we hope and pray it will stay that way.)

If you are fortunate enough to have grandparents in your life, you know they have an opinion on your choice to homeschool, whether they are saying it out loud or not. It’s wonderful when they are supportive, and it can be heart-breaking when they are not. Our children are growing up in a very different world to theirs and it can be very difficult for them to understand our choices. If you have school-aged kids right now, chances are that your parents and in-laws are part of the Baby Boomer generation. They might have a stronger sense of faith in formal education than you do. When my parents had small children, homeschooling was not a thing. To go to school was a privilege and a right. It can be really hard for grandparents to understand why you would want to keep your children at home.

Every family has to figure this out for themselves. Chances are your parents love you and your kids and have only the best intentions in voicing their doubts. Take that for what it is, and if your mind is made up you should make that clear as gently as possible. You might want to give them a few things to read about homeschooled kids who have succeeded in life and have not turned out to be thirty-year-old nerds who don’t know that the earth is round.

If you know your parents or friends aren’t happy about your decision that can put pressure on you to make sure you “succeed”. You might find yourself trying to get the kids to perform with reading or Maths facts so you can prove to your critics that you made a good decision. I am sure there are more than a few grandparents and friends who have fully come around to the idea as they watch homeschooled kids learn and grow, and realise that they are not being damaged by not going to school. There’s no harm in showing your kids off a little – in fact grandparents have been very useful for us when it comes to a little motivation to get something done. My kids have been motivated to practice a music piece to show off to Granny, and have enjoyed the praise they get for a great painting or story they have written. I read once that often one of the reasons grandparents are doubtful about your decision to homeschool is that they will miss out themselves – they won’t be invited to graduation days or get to boast to their friends about how well their grandkids are doing at school. They might feel concerned about how they will explain homeschooling to the rest of the family and their own friends.

You might never get full buy-in from grandparents. But if you make an effort to involve them in their grandkids' education and use the extra freedom and time you have to build relationships, you might find that the concern and disapproval evaporates over time. If your kids do extra-curricular activities, invite them to concerts and recitals, to sport matches or boy scout hikes. If Grandpa knows a bunch about birds or geology or racing cars, get him to take the kids on an educational outing or read them a book about his favourite topic.

My dad, bless him, didn’t say much about our decision to homeschool when we began. But it makes me smile when he launches into long explanations of politics or economics, takes my sons off to his workshop to teach them carpentry, or teaches my kids cheeky rhymes in Afrikaans. All of my kids’ grandparents have been part of their education in so many ways that they don’t even realise. I remind myself that this was one of the reasons we decided to homeschool in the first place – we have definitely spent more time with them than we would have if the kids had gone to school.

If you are feeling sad about unsupportive family and friends, all I can say is that things will probably improve, and I hope they do for you. People often feel that your decision to homeschool is an attack on their decision to send their kids to school, and your parents might be hearing that you don’t appreciate the schooling they provided for you. Be sensitive to that, and remember there will be no benefits in hitting back and criticizing. Be patient and value the relationships in your family. Your kids won’t thank you if you start a feud over it.

So in conclusion, if you are struggling with the opinions of other people in your life, remember:

·         This is your decision
·         Be sensitive to the concerns of grandparents and others who care about you
·         Don’t sacrifice relationships for this if you can help it
·         Be patient – things will probably improve!

Looking forward to your comments and feedback! 

Stay tuned for Chapter 2